I haven’t been myself lately.
I’ve been putting on an act for the outside world while I battle my demons on the inside. The noise and chaos they bring is astounding. I try to remain positive but I cannot seem to shake the bleakness that envelops me on a daily basis.
“Be strong.”, they say and give me a smile but little do they realise, me standing in front of them IS me being strong. I guess they mean be stronger. If only it were that easy. I try to be strong and carry on with my daily activities but it is tough.
I take my antidepressants on time and go to see my therapist but I still feel utterly broken. I feel alone. I feel guilty for having these feelings in the first place. I have so much to be thankful for and yet, I cannot seem to get out from under the suffocation that battling my demons produces. The constant thoughts of just wanting to disappear takes its toll on a person’s psyche.
I’m exhausted from having to pretend to be okay when I’m not. I’m exhausted from feeling the way I do. I’m exhausted with the constant struggles. I sincerely hope that this darkness fades soon and I can get back to not having to pretend anymore.