90 Day Challenge: Day 15

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Day 15. I was unable to post it last night because I had a hectic day which saw me getting in at 2am and pouring myself into bed. However, better late than never, right? So, what is Day 15 all about? Well, it’s about a concept that I’ve struggled with and continue to struggle with to this day : believing in myself.

Believing in myself has always seemed like a far-fetched concept when it comes to me. I have the utmost belief in my friends and family and they can achieve whatever they want. It actually upsets me when they think otherwise and yet, here I sit, barely believing in myself. Why is it that to believe in yourself is easier said than done? Why are we our own worst enemies? These are questions that have always left me quite perplexed.

My Little Thing for Day 15 is believing in myself enough to take my road test for my license. You all know, if you’ve been following the blog, that I had been doing lessons in preparation for my road test. I have been putting it off for months though because I would psych myself out and make every excuse in the world as to why I couldn’t possibly take my road test. I finally booked it last week and there was no turning back but I will say that all week, I’ve stressed myself out about it.

I’ve stressed about not being ready enough. Not being good enough at parking. Not being good enough at turns. Not being confident enough is what it all boils down to and the fact that I did not believe in my driving ability or myself. My mum said it best this week when I had been moaning about not being ready and saying that I would fail. She turned and said to me, “You need to believe in yourself more and stop underestimating yourself. You underestimate yourself a lot and you shouldn’t.” She may not have known it but those words stayed with me all week. Whenever I would catch myself in the middle of stressing out and putting myself down, her words would echo in my mind. They gave me pause and held me accountable for my thoughts. I had been driving for a while and have been doing just fine but then when I would think about the test, the fact that I can drive would instantly leave me and be replaced with negative thoughts and lack of ability.

I am telling you, the brain is a mighty powerful thing. What you think and put out is what you’ll get back in return. So, I began praying more as well this week. Turning to my belief in a higher power to help guide me and steady my nerves. To help me believe in myself a little more than I do now. Just a helping hand, so to speak. I’m glad to say that even with all my negative thinking, I was able to pass my test and am now licensed! It’s a great feeling and I couldn’t be more proud. It’s small but it’s big to me and that’s what matters.

So, why do I find it so hard to believe in myself? That’s a question to which I still do not have an answer but hoping that I can turn it all around in the future. I will continue to plug away at finding the good in every day and focusing on bettering my mental health which in turn, may be just what’s needed to help me believe in myself the way I should.

♡GoAM

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