90 Day Challenge: Day 17

Today has been a very low-key day. A tough day for me with my anxieties sky high after my driving lesson. Well, before my driving lesson too. I felt a bit off when I woke up from my nap and like a huge ball of nerves going into my lesson this afternoon. I don’t know what had me on edge but whatever it was, it was not great. I was not in a great head space to be driving but I made it through. I did make two mistakes during my lesson and have been down on myself about them since.

I’m aware that it’s part of my unhealthy thinking that I have always and something I am working on with my therapist at the moment, but it is hard to not think that I am just really crap and shouldn’t be driving at all. It’s easier for me to ignore everything that I did correctly during my driving lesson. I wasn’t 100% so I must have sucked. My instructor said he was really pleased with the way the lesson went and I have progressed really well but none of that mattered because I messed up twice. This is the way my mind works. It’s all or nothing.

I’m supposed to acknowledge the thought as what it is, merely a thought but not the truth. How do I do that though when I’m so used to thinking the way I do and used to being told I’m not good enough because I’m not perfect? So really, today has not been great but I must stick to my challenge I set for myself and find one thing that didn’t make me feel like shit today.

So, what could have possibly come from today and proven to be my Little Thing for day seventeen? My friends. The people I’ve chosen to surround myself with for these last many years and who I have chosen to let into my life. My friends who listen to me talk about my anxieties and reassure me instead of telling me to “just stop being anxious” or to “get over it”. My friends who are more like family to me and who I thank my lucky stars that we crossed paths.

I know not everybody is as fortunate as I am to have such people in their lives and that makes me sad. I do wish that every one had friends like mine in their lives. Friends who you know you can count on for absolutely anything and everything. Friends who let you know they care and who are always ready to lend a shoulder or an ear if you need to talk or cry. Everyone deserves to have people in their lives who care for them enough to  check on their well-being and not shy away from topics they may not understand. Everyone deserves to have people in their lives who try their best to remind you whenever you need reminding that yes, the world can be a scary place but you’re never alone. They are always there and really, knowing that you have someone in your corner could be that one thing that separates feeling completely hopeless from feeling a little hopeful.

To say that I’m blessed to have such people in my life currently may sound cliché but there is no other way for me to describe the way I feel. I am blessed. I forget that very often these days but again, my friends are there to remind me just how blessed I am by helping me back up.

Thank you to all of my friends who have been there for me through thick and thin, my high and lowest points, through me having no brows until now. Thank you for everything that you have ever done for me. My appreciation to all of you is indescribable.

Thank you doesn’t seem like it’s enough but it’s all I can offer and hope that they know just how much I love them.

♥ GoAM


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